Ignorance is the downfall of everything. If you’re stuck in your own head and don’t open your mind to what others have to say, you will never grow.
The Seatbelts (シートベルツ, Seatbelts, Seat Belts) is a Japanese blues/jazz band led by composer and instrumentalist Yoko Kanno. Their style is very diverse and ranges from a straightforward big band jazz to more refined rock ‘n roll ballads.
Since the band is focused mostly on instrumental work, The Seatbelts have no lead singer. But Steve Conte (from The Contes and Crown Jewels) and Mai Yamane participate and sing in many of their songs. The lyrics of these songs are written mainly by Tim Jensen and Yoko Kanno herself. Singers Soichiro Otsuka and Gabriela Robin are responsible for the back vocals on songs such as “Blue”.
It’s strange that I miss someone that I’ve never met. Maybe what I miss is myself, what I used to stand for and be. I’m not supposed to be this way, last night a thought had occurred to me that maybe after all this Chemo and nerve damage I have something pent up in me. Some type of angst towards the world for putting me where I am now. I just want to be heard sometimes but nobody wants to listen, well that’s not true there is one but I don’t want to feel like I’m taking advantage of her. She reminds me of myself and I know whats its like to keep taken advantage of and being put under a foot. She’s too sweet and nice to me it scares me sometimes…
People forget that I have a constant pain my legs and hands(every day,every hour,every second) It’s like a tazor constantly harassing me while I’m in the bull pen and I can’t always make other people happy(or myself) so I lash out and buck. I’m just not as strong as I used to be and it isn’t right. That’s what I miss, the stronger will and attentiveness to other peoples wants and needs.
Maybe it’s the opposite that I really need, I should focus on myself and be a stronger and better person. Certain aspects of growing up means you have to put yourself in a situation similar to a rose in the garden, you’ll soak up the nutrients from the ground and the energy from the sunlight but who will water you? It’s to dangerous and desperate to wait for rain as well as waiting for someone to do it. So who do I miss then, this person I’ve never met or have yet to meet?
Will I wait for the water to come and if so from what or whom?
“Oh how I love you so, lost in those memories
And now you’ve gone
I feel the pain, feeling like a fool, Adieu”
Whoever you are, I miss you and need you and I just want to say goodbye.